


Paint it Black

by GwendolynGrace



Series: Blackstory [17]
Category: Alternity - A Harry Potter Alternate Universe, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter Alternity - Fandom
Genre: Blackstory, Canon Backstory, Canon Compliant, Gen, HP Alternity, RPG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:04:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwendolynGrace/pseuds/GwendolynGrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How and why did both Cygnus and Orion Black die in 1979?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paint it Black

**Author's Note:**

> Written 2008-2010. This is one of a series of "Blackstory" - backstory about the Blacks - that I wrote while playing the RPG, HP Alternity. The actions in this fic were approved by the players when it was written. Since the events occur prior to the point of divergence, this can also be considered canon compliant.

1979

Sirius first heard the news at the Pegasus, a pub in wizarding London. 

He’d been waiting for Peter, to commiserate with him over the fact that Peter’s latest conquest, Hazel Downby, had thrown him over for a Hufflepuff with more money but far inferior skills. Peter was late, however, and Sirius had all but given up. He was just about to drop his sickles on the table when Miles Lerner came in through the back, broom in hand. 

‘What are you doing here?’ Miles asked when he reached the booth Sirius had staked out. ‘Thought you’d be at the Potters’ by now.’

Sirius sat up straighter. ‘Why? It’s not the Mark, is it?’

‘No,’ Miles said, but his face was bloodless despite the exertion of flight. ‘Cyrus Potter’s been killed.’ He opened his mouth as if to add something and stopped.

‘Murdered?’ Sirius breathed. He couldn’t think what Cyrus had done to run afoul of Death Eaters. ‘Grace, too?’ he forced himself to ask.

‘No,’ Miles said again, in the same tone that made it clear he didn’t want to be the bearer of the worst. ‘But - Sirius, MLE are saying it was a duel. They found Mr Potter on Wimbledon Common ... and ... and two other warlocks.’

Sirius felt like his lungs would not fill, like he had to inhale in shallow pants. He swallowed on a mouth gone dry. ‘Orion Black and who else?’ he asked warily.

‘Cygnus Black. He was breathing - your uncle, I mean - they took him to St Mungo’s. But he’s not expected to last through the night.’

Sirius hauled himself out of the booth toward the loos. He thought he heard Miles calling, then apologising. Sirius pushed open the men’s room door and mostly made it to an open cubicle before the contents of his stomach emptied. He spat out the taste of acid and wiped feebly at his lips with toilet paper. Then he Apparated to Godric’s Hollow.

He vomited again in the fountain at the square. The Potters’ home, the home he himself had run to when his father had sent him packing, stood just beyond the centre of town. His feet found their way to the door on their own; his mind was entirely too occupied trying to figure out what he could say or do to make up for James’ loss.

He had no sooner set his foot on the threshold when Lily opened the door. Her face was streaked with tears. ‘Sirius!’ she cried, and flinging her arms around his neck, pulled him inside. ‘I was about to send you a Patronus, but--’

‘Yeah,’ he rasped. ‘I just--James?’ He still could not really form whole sentences or draw a full breath. 

‘He’s in the sitting room. Remus and Grace are in the kitchen,’ Lily told him. ‘Sirius, I don’t know what to say. Your fa--’

‘Don’t call him that,’ Sirius said sharply, harsher than he’d intended. ‘I can’t believe he went through with it. Lil, how do I--?’

He wasn’t able to ask the question, because at that moment, James came into the entryway. 

‘Pads?’ he said in greeting. Sirius suddenly remembered his dishevelled robes and hair. ‘You look terrible,’ James joked weakly.

‘Prongs,’ Sirius began. His voice broke on the word. One look at James’ drawn face attempting a grin made him want to vomit again; if there’d been anything left in his stomach, he would have done. Shame, guilt, the feeling that he’d never be able to look James in the eye again, cascaded over him in waves, on top of his grief. His knees turned to water. He pitched forward.

James caught him. ‘Come and sit,’ he said, voice thick with emotion.

‘I don’t -- I can’t -- James, it’s my fault,’ Sirius stammered.

‘No, it’s not,’ James said automatically.

‘How can I ... I can’t ... this is worse than ....’ There were so many thoughts in his head, Sirius felt as if it would be impossible to focus on one long enough to voice it. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he finally choked out.

‘I’m glad you’re here,’ James said calmly. ‘He’d want you to be here.’ His arms stayed strong around Sirius’ shoulders as he guided him to the sofa.

‘I’m sorry,’ Sirius said again. It seemed inadequate but he couldn’t quite find a way to say what he wanted to convey. He couldn’t come out with the bald fact, so obvious to him, that Cyrus Potter would still be alive if it had not been that he had sheltered and helped Sirius over the years. ‘I warned him -- years ago -- I -- I’m so sorry--’

‘I know,’ James answered. ‘Sirius, I don’t blame you.’

A fresh wave of nausea racked Sirius. ‘You should,’ he protested.

‘Dad loved you like a son,’ James told him simply. ‘It’s not your fault your father’s a madman. Was a madman.’

Sirius recovered his power of speech. ‘Doesn’t change the fact that he came after your father because of me,’ he pointed out. To his own ears, he sounded surprisingly calm and reasonable.

James didn’t say anything, but didn’t remove his arm from Sirius’ back. 

‘Tea, Sirius?’ Lily asked.

Sirius shook his head. James continued: ‘You know what happened, then?’

‘Miles Lerner found me, came straight from the Ministry, I think. I thought Death Eaters--’

‘No. They met at dusk. Your father said there’d be no need for seconds, but your uncle came with him anyway. We got my father’s final Patronus just after sunset. He fought them both.’

Sirius nodded dully. ‘Lerner said Cygnus won’t live out the night.’

‘Good,’ James said, betraying his customary fierceness for the first time since Sirius had arrived. ‘Dad gave better than he got, then.’ He fell silent for a minute. Lily took his hand. 

‘Sirius, he didn’t have to go. He chose to fight. He _chose_ it.’

‘But Father drove him to it. James, what can I do? Tell me what you need.’

‘It’s enough that you’re here, Pads.’

‘I wouldn’t blame you if you chucked me out,’ Sirius told him earnestly.

‘Not going to happen, mate,’ James said with firmness. He rose abruptly. ‘I’ll see how Mum’s coming with the tea.’ Lily drifted after him.

Remus came into the sitting room a few minutes later, two steaming mugs in his hands. ‘I thought you were meeting Peter tonight,’ he said awkwardly. 

‘Oh, bugger,’ Sirius said, scrubbing his face with one hand. ‘I Apparated straight here--he’s probably--’

‘It’s all right, he’ll understand,’ Remus assured him. ‘If he doesn’t turn up soon, we’ll send him a message.’ He sank into the sofa next to Sirius. ‘Tea,’ he offered.

‘Stomach,’ Sirius muttered with a head shake. ‘Apparated. I just can’t--’ He leaned forward into his hands. ‘I’ve cocked it up again, Moony,’ he said bitterly, fighting to breathe again, fighting not to lose self-control completely. A few tears spilled into his palms and he wiped them away shamefully.

‘Sirius,’ Remus began, but Sirius overrode him.

‘No. James doesn’t -- he says he doesn’t blame me now, but soon enough he’ll work out that it’s my fault. My father couldn’t stand that I’ve been so close to James. To his parents. And he swore he’d put an end to it one way or another.’ He turned the beaker by its handle, sloshing the tea but not moving to drink it. ‘Guess he succeeded.’

‘Rubbish,’ Remus said. ‘Sirius, the only way your father succeeds at that is if you let him. If you slink off somewhere to lick your wounds, then he wins. But if you and James don’t let this destroy you - and I don’t think there’s any way James would let it - then your father doesn’t get the last word.’

Sirius rubbed his eyes. ‘I’m not licking my wounds. Don’t you get it, Moony? It’s because of me that James lost his father. I can’t expect him to--’

‘You can. He’s James. And right now, he needs you to be there for him, like you’ve always done.’ Remus softened his tone. ‘And he’ll be there for you, Sirius. You’ve lost your father, too.’

‘The same one James lost,’ Sirius said darkly. ‘I don’t care about the other one.’

Remus grunted as if to say he didn’t believe that, but wasn’t going to argue it. He reached for his tea, blew on it, took a cautious sip. ‘All the more reason for you to stop this bilge about how it’s your fault.’

‘It is, though,’ Sirius insisted, but calmly now, without any vehemence. 

‘For fuck’s sake, Sirius,’ Remus replied just as matter-of-fact. 

‘Sorry.’

They sat quietly for a few moments. James, Lily, and Grace came back in, bearing their own tea. Seeing Grace, Sirius rose unsteadily. He felt his chest tighten. She sent her tea mug floating to the table and pulled him into her arms.

Sirius leaned into her, dropping his head onto her shoulder. His voice cracked on the wail that tore out of him.

It was several moments before he could do more than sob into her robes. When he could come up for air, he noted absently that Remus, James and Lily had faded into another area of the house, leaving him alone with James’ mother.

She guided him back to the sofa and sat beside him, still holding his hand tightly. Her eyes were wet, but she smiled in the mixture of kindness and sympathy that he recognised from the last time he had lost his composure in front of her, on the night when he had first left his home four years ago.

‘I’m sorry,’ he breathed.

‘I know,’ Grace said simply. ‘It’s all right, dear.’ She produced a handkerchief with her wand and handed it to him. 

‘It’s not,’ Sirius said with a sniffle, wiping at his nose. ‘You’d have every right to send me packing.’

‘Why would I do that? I know how you felt about Cyrus.’

‘But it’s my fault.’

‘Nonsense. Cyrus left a letter for you, in his study. You ought to read it, Sirius.’ She patted his hand and flicked her wand. The letter came sailing into the sitting room, landing gently on Sirius’ lap. His hands shook as he broke the seal and unfolded it.

‘He was ill?’ he murmured as he reread the short paragraphs.

Grace nodded. ‘We hadn’t told James. Cyrus knew your father had taken our -- well, our adoption of you as a personal insult. Then the Healers told Cyrus that he only had a few months left. Orion’s last communication was ... unbalanced. He threatened your life, as well as James’. Cyrus decided that he’d rather meet him head-on and put an end to it. He made a _choice_ , Sirius, and if he died in the attempt, well, at least it meant that your father wouldn’t trouble anyone again.’

She wiped her eyes with a second handkerchief. ‘I don’t think he expected to have to fight your uncle as well. But he wanted to protect you, and James and the others. He wouldn’t want you to feel this is your responsibility.’

She sighed and smoothed his hair. ‘You are too young to shoulder all this, Sirius. But if there’s anyone to blame, it’s your father. I’m sorry to put it so baldly. And I’m sorry that my husband had to kill him to stop him.’

‘Mrs P, I ... stopped thinking of him as my father a long time ago, in favour of Mr Potter. I don’t care that two Blacks are dead. But I’m more ashamed than I can say that they were the cause of your husband’s death.’

Grace took his hand again. ‘He thought of you as a second son, too.’

Sirius swallowed to stave off a fresh bevy of tears. ‘What can I do to help?’

‘Well, for starters, you can cease any nonsense about how this is your fault, or thinking that James and I are going to disown you. Not everyone in the world is as heartless as your father.’ She got to her feet. ‘James!’ she called. ‘I think it’s time the whole family sat together and drank this tea.’ She tapped the mugs one at a time to reheat them.

James and Lily returned, Remus shuffling a bit behind them. ‘I’d best be getting on--’

‘I said the whole family, Remus Lupin,’ Grace Potter interrupted, ‘and I meant the whole family.’ She looked around at them all. ‘Where’s Peter?’

Sirius blushed. ‘I, er ... left before he got to the pub. He may not know yet. Remus, maybe it’s time to send him that message.’

As if in answer, the bell rang. Remus was closest, so with a smile, he went to open the door. A moment later he returned with Peter, flushed and shaken.

‘I just found out - it’s all over London already. Mrs P, James -- I’m so sorry.’

‘Thank you,’ Grace said while Peter and James exchanged a hug. ‘Peter, we were just about to take tea. Do help yourself to a fresh cup.’

Peter soon returned and they all sat together, remembering Cyrus Potter. From time to time Sirius met James’ eyes and James would lean against him like a brother, and Sirius loved him all the more for it. He forced himself to ignore the queasy rumbling deep in his gut that no matter what James or Grace said, his mother had been right: He was poison.


End file.
